Getting the question “ how are you?” Is normally something I appreciate getting, but for the past months it’s been a sentence that’s been bothering me. I am not a person to lie, but when people have asked I just answer with “ good” to not have to get into it, but I thought now it’s time to let you know what's really going on. The truth is, I am not good, I am far from good! I know I am a very strong person and it’s very difficult to see how much I am actually struggling and how much pain I am going through EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. But just know that it’s a face I have to put on for my family and friends and for my self while at work and in social settings so I don’t dig my own grave by being constantly depressed and sad.
I got a message the other day from my mom saying she’s not going to come home anymore, she’s too scared. That only gives us a few more months with her at the max. Hearing that as a daughter- it totally broke my heart! My immune system went down to 0 and I have been in bed for five days sick as I have never been before. You would think that hearing something you knew was going to happen for so many months wasn’t going to affect you as much. I have been trying to prepare myself for it, but I can’t. You can never prepare yourself for loosing your loved ones ..
I am now preparing to move to my moms apartment with my brother, and the thought of me having her bedroom is really really though. But I can do this. I have to be strong for all of us, but mostly for her and my brother.
That being said, friends and family, I need you now more than ever. I will most probably say no to hang out because I am not that much fun! But just the thought of you asking, or wanting to actually hang out with me would mean the world. A night in with movies and good food or a night out, anything, as long as I am not alone in this though time. I promise to return the favor the day you need it! Or just everyday :)
If you are going through the same or have been, all tips, and thoughts you want to share is much appreciated!